A Letter To My 12 Year Old Self

Dear 12 year old Cathleen, 

Oh my heavens.. I really wish you could be reading this now. If you were reading this now, I would have saved you so much stress, heartache, everything. I just really wish I could do it all over again. At 12, you.. or I guess, I was AWFUL. Part of that, in all fairness to you (or me, how do these letters-to-your-old-self work again?) was developmental. In other words, you couldn't help it. You insisted on getting the last word in every discussion which quickly turned into an argument after you put in your two cents.. or 50 dollars. You focused on how your parents, who love you and care about you and are your best friends are always looking out for you.. were "out to get you" "ruin your life" "make you miserable". Boy oh boy Cath.. you couldn't have been further from the truth. 

When mom and dad say put the iPod up, they mean it. It's futile to argue. You'll accomplish nothing except getting it taken away for longer and longer as you continue arguing back. I know, I know, They seem absolutely evil and horrible. But y'know when parents tell you that they're doing things because it's what beset for you? Honey, listen to them! They really do care about you. They don't like to see you cry in frustration or anger.. It's really not the goal I swear. It hurts them too. Your words do have an affect on mom and dad. And when you put them in a rotten mood.. Think about your siblings. How does that affect them? What are you teaching them through your bad behaviors? Take a chill pill for heavens sakes. 

Mom and dad do want you to experience things and live life.. but sometimes what you think of as experiencing and living doesn't quite match up with mom and dad's interpretations. However, if you shut your annoying mouth full of rude words that keep hurting people.. You'll listen and hear what mom and dad are really saying. They want to share things that they love with you. And you'll love them too! Trust me, I'm you! And I love them too! Mountain hikes, waterfalls, getting lost on the trail, following a map.. Those are experiences that you'll never get anywhere else. Again, shut up, and enjoy yourself. You know you're having a good time, so quit acting rude and ungrateful. 

Here's a style tip.. Drop the flare jeans. Oh and no pigtails or awkward little pinned back twists. Also there IS a thing as too much Vera Bradley.. just saying. Also, that North Face jacket is MAJORLY unflattering, and your older self is MAJORLY mad at you for wearing it daily. DROP the abercrombie, DROP all the pink, you're 12 not 3. Oh and learn how to part your hair.. Please. 

Cathleen, let me be the one to tell you.. It is okay to cry. It's okay to cry in front of people, to cry behind closed doors, scream into your pillow.. It's okay to be upset, frustrated, and just plain ticked off at a person. BUT DON'T TAKE THINGS OUT ON PEOPLE. They don't deserve it. I'm not saying keep it to yourself. I'm not saying let it boil up inside of you and reach your breaking point and explode. I'm just saying handle it appropriately, okay?

Mom loves you. A lot. And someday, she will be your best friend. I know it's hard to believe when you're 12 and it's "cool" to act like a brat. P.S. It's not cool, and mom will continue to call you out on it. And you're not gonna like her for calling you out on it.. but it's for your own good. Trust me. I know. I'm you remember.

12 is tough. And you make it through. I honestly don't know how you made it through.. If there was ever a real reason to kill someone... Mom sure as heck had one for you. So basically you forever owe mom for sparing you this year. Please thank her in advance.

ALSO, YOU ARE NOT SHY! QUIT ACTING LIKE IT! You are a freaking fire ball and a ticking time bomb and INSANE! So don't worry about letting loose! Cath, just be yourself. Please. These other 7th graders don't care about you. I PROMISE. At the end of the day, your family are the only people you can wholeheartedly trust. And this year will be tough. Hang in there girl. You're strong. And once you make it through this hell of a year, you will realize just how strong you are.

Cathleen

P.S. You are gonna love the girl you are in a few years trust me! Your relationship with your parents is absolutely incredible. Mom is your best friend. And you end up truly loving who you are.

P.P.S. You really should have been more happy as a 12 year old because finding pictures of you for this letter was awful... Like SMILING! Ever heard of it?

P.P.P.S. You end up LOVING hiking and you really should have enjoyed the smokey's more while you were up there hiking.. I would give anything right now to go up and hike for hours upon hours across those footbridges and see those waterfalls again. 

~Oh nothing just the ramblings of a 15 year old with a now 12 year old brother that is forcing you to see all the faults in yourself 3 years ago... But it's the middle of the night so I should just get some sleep instead of rambling and talking to myself.~