Thoughts that go Through a Highschooler's Mind

side note on this picture.. My friend, Madeline was using my camera in class (I'm in yearbook so I bring my camera with me daily) and was playing around.. and this candid face kinda killed me.. and I pride myself on being open with y'all so here goes

Okay I didn't come up with the idea for this post at all.. I was ranting to Rachel, God bless her, and she suggested that maybe I could channel the energy into a blog post instead! And yes, she came up with the idea, and I'm so grateful for her. But being a student in high school myself, there's so many thoughts that go through my head in a day.. and I know that all of this stuff is pointless, and means literally nothing, but that's just high school! So here's a chance for y'all to peek inside my brain.. see what goes through my mind in a typical day at school. Get ready, this should be interesting. 

ugh.. morning.. wait is it Monday or Tuesday?

Shoot.. did I finish that?

Eh whatever. I'll finish it in class.

I really gotta pee... Is he taking a crap in there or something? HURRY UP I NEED THE PASS

This test ugh like I know anything.. I'll just put C. Oh wait I don't know this either. C. Ugh, why do I not know anything... I'll put C again. I wonder if I should change it up and put A just in case.. Definitely not. I'm sticking with C. 

Okay so this hallway is completely empty. It WAS a late start right? Wait why am I having a conversation with myself.. this is weird. Oh look someone's coming.. I should smile! Oh wow that was a really creepy smile.. sorry kid.

Did his voice just crack? Oh my goodness.. poor kid. 

Um, did I ask you about where your skirt is from.. Yeah I didn't think so.

Honey don't talk to me about Piko Shirts like I've never heard of them.. ARE YOU KIDDING ME

Shoot did I zip my zipper? I can't just check now.. That's weird. Um should I just glance down? yeah okay perfect. God bless it's zipped

Did I just go through my pad? Please no.. please no.. HALLELUJAH JESUS DOES LOVE ME

Wait, was he just staring at me.. Oh my gosh he totally was.. wait what should I do. wait shoot crap now I'm staring at him.. LOOK AWAY oh my now he's probably scared of me. yay. 

Awkward.. Why did he just stop on the stairs.. That's weird.. Why's he staring? 

Um why on earth is my new seat right here.. in the front.. ew.

NEED FOOD

Wait we don't get to pick our partners for the lab? That's annoying.

Pretty sure no one knew about that assignment.. Oh except for that kid.. whatever.. 

Done with this chick.

Didn't I wear that dress yesterday??? So um why are you wearing it now?

Could you be any more boring like really.. 

If you're trying to impress me by talking about your cat.. It's not working.. bye

Do I really not have a pencil.. who even am I

Seriously why do I drink so much water *drinks more water* I gotta pee

She's gonna think I have a bladder issue or something.. I mean I've gone to the bathroom 3 times already in the last 45 minutes

Would she mind if I like borrowed those grapes for an instagram post? Yeah that's weird.. I probably shouldn't ask her that. 

Hello.. I was talking.. Whatever, you know we'd much rather hear about your dead squirrel this morning on the side of the road.

Oops was I just staring at him again.. shoot. He's gonna think I like him or something.. Really I was looking out the window. At those flowers. That I'm gonna Instagram later.. oh crap I missed that "Can you repeat that please? I'm confused."

I wonder if we still have those cookies at home? I could really go for some oatmeal raisin right now

Oh HELLO Your cute

Can we like chew with our mouth's closed please.. Yeah k thanks

OKAY bad attitudes are NOT attractive buddy

OOH HE'S LOOKING OOH LOOK AWAY LOOK AWAY Omg he was cute.. 

I really just want to go home and watch Dancing with the Stars.

Did he really just say nice butt? yay. okay. Thanks kid. 

So that's cool now you won't talk to me? Um okay

Maybe if I go walk past his lunch table to get a spoon he'll say something --- okay apparently not. Did I really just trip over his bookbag.. that was.. wow. way to go Cath.

Pretty sure my heart is gonna burst out of my chest.. but why he's not even that attractive.

UGH AS IF *starts laughing* "What's wrong with you?" -some random kid

HOLY BICEPS oh that's awks he caught me looking

oh shoot oh no why is he STILL staring at me can we just talk PLEASE SO AWKWARD

Quit staring at me.. me walking around with a camera is not a reason to judge? 

blah blah blah blah blah... wait she just asked me a question.. "um the answer is true?" WOO POINT CATH

How did I know that about Harrapan society? Dude that was pretty awesome. 

Um what's an independent variable? I should know this I should know this what's wrong with me

Oh maybe that's why he's staring *casually.. okay who am I kidding NOT CASUALLY pulls dress down*

Does it matter if you forgot to put the flag up on the mailbox?

*Pulls out iPad to check blog stats* 

I wonder if my hair is frizzy in the back again.. I really hope not. Maybe if I put a little bit of water on it no one will notice... and everyone noticed.. yay. 

I HAVE TO SNEEZE WHY WON'T IT COME WHY AM I CRYING

I really need to pluck my brows tonight.. holy crap we got a situation up there

Did he just snort? 

Is she aware that 5 inches of makeup only clogs pores? It ain't hiding anything darlin'

Wait, was I asleep.. oh no. oh no. this is bad this is baaaaad.. wait no one saw God bless. 

OH MY CHOKING DYING *coughs ridiculously because water* OH OH NO DYING DYING WAIT *coughing uncontrollably because water* WHY IS NO ONE TURNING AROUND I SEE HOW IT IS BYE Y'ALL. 

Is he for real staring AGAIN?! QUIT making things awkward and come talk to me.. It's not like I'm freaking Cruella deVil or anything *laughs out loud becuase picturing myself in polka dots instead of stripes* now that's a scary thought.. "WHAT are you staring at?! I make myself laugh! Is that a problem?!!!?"

And that's it for me.. That's basically what goes through my head in a day at school.. Notice the lack of education related stuff.. and how I spend most my time confused or having to pee or laughing at myself.. y'know that's just typical me. HAPPY MONDAY FRIENDS! 

What It's Like to be a 15 Year Old Blogger

I've been wanting to write a post like this for a while now. This post is for friends, teachers, other bloggers, and for myself. When I talk about blogging I usually wave it off as not a lot of work or effort or anything. But really, blogging is probably the most work-heavy project I've ever invested myself in. I never really think about just how much time I put into this site, or my social accounts so I'm breaking this down for me as well, so I can see just how important blogging is in my life. 

There's no other place to start than the beginning.. 

I started blogging January of 2014. I was in the eighth grade and all of 13 years old. Some people call 13 still a "tween" others who read my blog at the time (there were not many but definitely some) believed me to be a college student which was most flattering. At the time I was VERY secretive. No one at school knew about this at the time little endeavor. Months into it, my friend, Kate found out.. But still no one else really did. 

Why was I so secretive about it, you ask? I don't really know. Maybe I was scared. Maybe I was worried about how others would accept or not accept this. Mainly I think it was because I didn't think it would last. My Instagram barely had 200 followers, my Pinterest barely had 50, a Twitter wasn't even a possibility in my mind. I thought I wasn't good enough. I couldn't make it. Who would listen to the ramblings of a little 13 year old. I'm convinced that those beliefs and thought process is part of why it took me as long as it did to get my blog and I "out there". 

It doesn't happen over night. I can promise you that. Establishing yourself in the online world is tough as heck. You have to have the drive to press on and work as hard as you can. I was still off to a rocky start by July 2014 when I turned 14. Sure I had been blogging consistently for 6 months but the readers and followers I had dreamed of were nonexistent. There were some, and some of them are still following and keeping up with me on the reg today. And for you all I am forever grateful that whatever kept you following me, didn't go anywhere and that you're still coming along for the ride now. 

When I started my freshman year August of 2014, my eyes opened. There were no other kids in my grade that had even attempted to do what I was doing. Sure there were One Direction fan accounts on Instagram and one senior who had somewhat of a fashion blog.. But no one my age was as committed to anything like this as I was. I wanted my blog to be the best that I and it could be. Then I buckled my seatbelt and took off like Lightning McQueen trying to win that piston cup (I still here Tow-Mater's voice in my head saying "you did what in a cup?!" Anyone catch my reference there?) 

Then came January 5th. My blog-a-versary. Basically just the celebration that exactly one year had passed since I created this blog. I was proud of myself for not quitting. For not giving up. I had made it to the one year point and I couldn't have been any happier. By now, probably 3 or 4 close friends had knowledge of what I actually did when I went home. I was so ready to blaze through another year.. My social media accounts were growing, my page views were growing, and i actually saw potential in myself and in my blog. I started to think, "dude, I could actually do this" and so I continued to press on and work as hard as 14 year old Cathleen could. 

As April and May rolled around, and my Instagram was doing pretty well as well as my Twitter (which I created a few months prior because I was convinced you had to have a Twitter to be successful) and Pinterest, I realized a lot of my friends were still left in the dark about my passions. I decided to go for it. What's the worst that can happen, I thought. Maybe I'll just have to find some more friends... Which turns out I didn't need to do at all. They were all super insanely supportive of me and my passions and shoutout to Brianna and Jordan who are still following me on Instagram and I'm almost positive that they like every photo I post. What was I scared of? 

At this point, and a while before that too, I had my blogging friends. I had a group of friends before them.. But let's just say I'm way better off with my girls now. You need friends like the ones I have. Girls that are in all different stages of life and blogging. People that are smarter than you, and come from all different backgrounds, and live in all sorts of places. People like Ashlee, Michaela, Sarah, Julia, and Caitlin. Blogging friends quickly become your blogging family. You love them and respect them and constantly are asking them for advice. 

One important thing to remember about blogging is that it's not about being in a clique. It's not about having your own personal girl gang from around the country. It's about building relationships that will not only help you and your blog but help you learn in life as well. In our group, I'm definitely the youngest. I learn so much from these girls it's insane. I learn never sleep with a guy in a foreign country (Thanks Michaela) as well as how far amazing pictures, a quality Instagram and investment can really take your blog from Sarah. These are connections and relationships that I wouldn't change for the world. 

These friends inspired me and filled me with motivation to keep pressing on. I'm convinced that I wouldn't have made it as far as I am now without them. 

When Summer 2015 came about, I knew exactly how I was going to spend my summer. Blogging to the max. Continuing to push myself farther and farther until all I could think and breathe about was my blog. Classycathleen.blogspot.com became www.classycathleen.com and my site design took a dramatic change for the better. I pushed myself to be the best I could be. To have a website that I would be proud to tell my teachers and friends about all sophomore year. 

I wouldn't have come even close to where my blog is now without amazing friends like Nicole and Jamie. These girls have challenged me and pushed me to be a better me past the point I couldn't believe was possible. I'm a better blogger and person because of these incredible girls and to them I am forever grateful. Together we have put together the #bloggerblab Twitter chat and together we have hosted and supported #BloggersBTS the MONTH long back to school linkup. I've "met" Nicole's sister and Jamie's brother, and they've met my mom and my older brother, Isaac who has pretty severe autism. I've ranted to the point there were tears, and we've laughed about countless things together and supported each other the whole way. To say I'm blessed is an understatement. We have been able to accomplish so much with each others help and we have bigger and better ideas to come in the future I promise. 

There's my snail mail gals. Faith and Sydney, Dani and Kayla, Sofia and Sarah Beth... They all encourage me to be a better me or to look at life in a different way. And just the classic handwriting correspondence is so much fun! 

There's Rachel who has taught me that I actually do have potential. The fact that she values my opinion and that we have something huge in the works is just so exciting and rewarding and yet another thing that I love about blogging. And Olivia who will forever motivate me to be my best self.. She's quite the inspiration. These relationships are worth more to me than the world. 

So I've been over the beginning, and everyone important to me that I've met through blogging, and now what it's really like to be 15 and running my own blog.

What started as a hobby, a pastime, a fun creative outlet has turned into a business. A business all about me and my life and my opinions.. Which I love. Most 15 year olds don't have the social media outlets with the followers that I do or even a blog that people even give a tiny look at. In those ways I am blessed. Blessed to have the readership, followers, and friends that I do. 

It can be tough though.. Don't get me wrong. Blogging is one of my very favorite things to do, but it is challenging at times and can take a lot of time. Pouring out all my energy into writing a blog post, or sharing on social media, hosting a Twitter chat, planning the next week's posts.. Just keeping up with fresh and new content can be a struggle. But because I love blogging, even the struggles are exciting and fun.

Being a 15 year old blogger, I can't be as financially invested as others. I can't shop every sale I blog or tweet about, I can't participate in all those loop giveaways, I can't do quite all those brand sponsorships that others can. I just don't have the money because well.. I'm 15. But even though I'm not financially invested, almost every ounce of who I am goes into my blog and social accounts. Well, every ounce and then a few get set aside for things like I don't know... My GPA and schoolwork. But every ounce other than those goes straight into you guys, my reader friends, and follower friends, and taking photos and coming up with fresh content. 

Even though I only really get around to blogging once or twice a week nowadays, I'm still always thinking and making lists and taking pictures for future blog posts. All my thoughts are basically dedicated to blogging and creativity. Sure I'm thinking about pizza and football like other 15 year olds, but moment of truth: I'm way more interested in what all my Instagram buddies are up to and what they're blogging about. 

I have countless scraps of paper in my bookbag and literally 80% of them have a post idea or something that inspired me on it. Maybe an account to follow or something to mention in my next FriYAY links. The lists are everywhere. Every notebook, every homework assignment, my agenda... Everywhere. I'm always thinking of ideas even at lunch and in the shower to make my blog the best it can be.

I'm totally open to talking about my blog with anyone. Is it awkward? Yes. Explaining something that I'm completely devoted to and interested in to someone who doesn't know the difference between blogger and Wordpress and j.crew and old navy is insane. But it's so much fun at the same time! It's my true passion so to anyone at school reading this: ASK ME. WE'LL TALK. 

Now that I'm coming to the end of this post.. I don't even know why I wrote it. Maybe because I haven't done a post about blogging in a while? I'm not sure.. But what I do know is that I'm gonna grow up. I'm going to change and grow and mature and develop and move on with my life. But blogging will never leave. I don't know what the future has in store for me, but I do know that I'll be blogging every step of the way. 

I'm thankful for the experience I have received from blogging. I'm thankful in advance for all the other doors in the future that will open because of this little blog. I'm thankful for my Instagram followers, I'm thankful for my Pinterest followers, and I'm thankful for all my readers. You all are the ones that have truly made and will continue to make this experience the best it can be. 

So again, what is it like to be a 15 year old blogger? Nonstop seeking new information, living life to the fullest, and snapping pictures each and every step of the way. Not being scared to be honest, wearing whatever I throw on, watching Hallmark movies at 3 AM and crying because of how perfect the unrealistic situation is, and eating/instagramming way too many s'mores. Staying up at all ungodly hours just to finish the next day's blog post, making your siblings wait before they can eat their frozen yogurt because taking a picture is top priority, running to and from the tripod just for a couple outfit posts, and making ice cream and cookies so you can post them on Instagram. Going to school but never really having your mind on your school work, having to ask your teacher for your test back because you wrote in the margins a couple ideas for a post, skipping out on a whole year's worth of football games to establish yourself as a blogger, and always being in search of a white background and good lighting. That's really what it's like. 

Hey Bloggers Be Yourself

Heads up this post is gonna be all over the place just like me -- my true self -- my real self -- y'know what, just keep reading...

This is me. A s'mores eating, sweat pant and water proof birks wearing, relaxing by the fire in a rainbow striped hammock 

I was scrolling through Twitter lately.. 

Might be weird to say this as a blogger, but sometimes I really hate blogging. Not the act of it, but the community & stigma around it ...

— Jamie (@fashionnewcomer) July 6, 2015

... People are 2 different people on their blogs & in real life. Why is everyone trying to fit into one "type"? Be yourself ...

— Jamie (@fashionnewcomer) July 6, 2015

... and your blog will be better as a result.

— Jamie (@fashionnewcomer) July 6, 2015

Jamie is one of my favorite bloggers. No doubt. She's incredibly good with words, and I thoroughly enjoy following her blog and her Twitter. She posted the above tweets on Monday.

So many bloggers focus on putting on this fake persona and they turn into this person with two personalities. The seemingly perfect one that has no struggles, no worries, no concerns, and is living and loving life. I don't know if they know this, but readers (I know because I am one) can pick up when things aren't 100% real. Honestly it leads to a more tense blog? If that makes any sense.. Like they have to hold themselves back from letting their true personalities, beliefs, and loves shine through.

When I tell people I'm a blogger, I get weird looks. The bloggers that make the news and get the huge page views in my opinion are slightly insane. When you try so hard for so long to keep up with your blogging self, and hide away your true self.. Yeah, you gotta be at least a little crazy.

Social media does not help this at all.. All the different platforms just give way for more fakeness to shine through. Of course there are those bloggers that I love that are so honest with their readers. They're not scared to put their true selves out there, and I love it.. And Jamie's so right! It for sure makes your blog better when you're honest and true.

Instagram can be a huge stress maker if you're doing it wrong. Instagram is about life. Creativity. Fun. Sometimes we bloggers get so wrapped up in perfection we miss out on life, really being creative, and really having fun. Instagram is part of why bloggers compare themselves to other bloggers ALL THE TIME. Honestly, I've noticed that when my pictures reflect me, THE WHOLE ME (like the picture at the top of this post) a. I get more likes and b. it's super refreshing just to share your real life. I think as a reader, we want to connect with bloggers. We don't want this one way window where we can see into your "perfect" life while we're on the outside really living life. Going through the motions, the struggles, and the hardships. We as readers don't want a window. We want more of a glass door. Where the blogger is open, inviting, and willing to share the ugly truths, the beautiful truths and well just all the truths with their readers. The blogger has to be willing to invite us in. It can be scary, trust me I write a blog so I get it, but you gotta do it. So refreshing to just be yourself.

So why should we have two lives? Our blogging self living the blogging life in the blogging world and our real selves doing and going through the same things as everyone else. Can I just say, my blog is me. That's what I tell my friends, family, readers and followers. If you like me and how I come across online and through social media.. Then we'll be the best of buds in real life too. There is no dual personality Cathleen.

ALSO, this shouldn't be a goal for anyone... I've seen on a couple Blogging Goal Lists that the blogger needs to be more real and be themselves with their readers. I mean obviously it should be a thought in your head and if you feel yourself slipping towards more popular culture, this is what everyone is writing, blah blah blah.... Stop yourself! But I wouldn't put this on a goal list... Should it be a goal to be yourself? Who are you if you're not yourself?

TO CONNECT THE DOTS HERE: Don't blend in.. Don't be like other bloggers. You are You and that's what makes you special, and as blogging goes, that's where readers come from. You want your blog to be refreshing for readers. Something that's different and doesn't blend in with everyone else's. You can't be scared to share your life with readers. Make sure you have that glass door installed so your blog is open and inviting for everyone who stops by your site.

I'd love to hear your thoughts below, both from readers and fellow bloggers...

*I'm totally not pointing fingers at  ANYONE with this post, so please don't take offense. That was not the goal of writing this post AT ALL!